Saturday, 11 February 2012

BIBABID – Body In Buenos Aires, Bike In Dubai.


Colonia, Uruguay. 10-2-12

It snowed the night before I left. Lashed it down with flaky white bastards all night. Heathrow had cancelled a third of all flights but the Gatwick website said it was OK, I chose to believe it. 20cm of snow overnight and fortunately no blocked roads on the way to the station.
Yorkshire looks pretty in the snow, for a few hours at least before the traffic turns it to black sludge, Rows of terraces with white roofs and the odd slate gap. Wonder who's got a loft full of skunk?
Last time I took the bus to London it was pure lumpenproletariat. Underlying odour of piss and heroin from bus station to bus station. The comfort and style of a cattle truck. This time it's uni students and French speaking Africans. No grief, no hassle, I'm the only one drinking and the only one with a seat to myself. Map of Patagonia prominently placed in the tank bag I'm using as hand luggage just on the off chance I can strike up a conversation with the cute 21 year old on the seat opposite;
“Oh, where are you going?”
“Around the world on my motorcycle. Actually.”
Doesn't fucking happen of course. Past 40, put on weight, missing teeth, what the fuck do I expect?
I remember the bus getting into Victoria, I remember queueing up to get off the bus but I have no idea how I got to King's Cross to check into a Travelodge. Probably took the tube but that's what a six hour bus journey with nothing to do but drink premixed M&S cocktails does to a man.
Long and easy lie in the next morning. My flight isn't until five and I don't have to check out until twelve. Apparently I have planned ahead and have half a dozen beers, some bittorrent downloads and a congealed donner kebab to last out the morning.
Take it easy on leaving the hotel, don't want to get too pissed to be allowed on the plane now. An easy beer and a walk up to St Pancras, overland to Gatwick, move my stuff between bags and check in.
“Did you pack your bags yourself? Is this all you're carrying?”
Map positioned prominently in the tank bag.
“All my stuff is being sent as cargo.”
Not even a raised eyebrow.
Dull flight, only an hour late. Still plenty of time to catch the connection in Madrid. Some crappy airport food, some vinegar like airport wine and three hours later I'm strapped into an economy seat with not enough room for my legs and although the Russian girl next to me is cute, she doesn't speak a word of English and I'm old enough to be her father. Her grandfather even.
“Do your folks know where you are love?”
Thirteen hours later approaching BA, cramps and bruises on my legs. Russian girl has changed into short-shorts. I'm still dressed for the median European winter and South American summer. I'm soaked through within five minutes of leaving the airport. I bottle the bus and grab a cab.
I've arranged to meet people who can help me import the bike. They hear the taxi and the door is open before I get out of the car. Sandra and Javier are (much to their surprise) very well known and respected in the motorcycle travel community. They explain that my bike hasn't yet arrived, checking my email shows that it's been delayed by customs in Manchester. Something to do with it not fitting in the x ray machine. They kindly allow me to stay in one of the bunk beds they have set up next to the workshop. Judging by the stickers on the wall and the contents of the guest book there are a lot of people that pass through here.
I'm soaked. It's forty degrees in the shade, I'm wearing black and too many layers. I get some beer and crash. Everything can be sorted in the morning. I spend the night alone in the workshop, apart from the cat.
Wednesday, I have a few missions. Sort out insurance, buy some appropriate clothes and get a local SIM for my phone. Thanks to Sandra's direction, getting into town and the insurance is easy, the SIM and clothes take a little longer but only because I'm in a touristy area and I have to pay top dollar.
Back at the workshop there are a couple of other bikers. A Japanese guy on a GS (never seen a Japanese on a German bike before) and a US father and son on a Ducati and a G650 taking a couple of months out to “do” South America. Nice folks.
Yoshi, the Japanese guy has already been everywhere that I've planned. I grill him for information all evening.
Next day, everyone leaves. That's what you do when you've got a bike.
I spend a day in BA not really doing much. Hanging around bars, drinking beer and eating. By the time I get back to the workshop, a French couple has arrived on an Africa Twin; just collected from the boat.
My bike has finally left Blighty. The air waybill shows that it has left Manc for Dubai and is currently in transit between Dubai and BA. It should arrive at 20:30 Friday night.
Of course, customs will leave work around 16:30 and won't be back until Monday. There is no realistic chance of collecting the bike until Tuesday.
With this in mind, I have taken the ferry to Colonia in Uruguay. I've checked into an overpriced hotel near to the port because I couldn't be arsed walking any further. I'll find something cheaper tomorrow. A weekend of backpacking will probably do me some good.

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